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Jae Jae and "Baby" Willnow







Our first 2 losses were due to miscarriages in the 6th and 18th week.  I get asked all the time if the pain was the same, with all three of my losses the pain is somewhat different.  Each time I held my Baby longer and got to know them even more each day.  One thing that is so true is the bond and Love I feel for all 5 of my children is enormous, as they were all conceived out of Love and very much wanted.  Feelings I went through were yet different, with "Baby" and Jae Jae I found out later I never truly grieved either of thier losses until the beginning of 2005.  Society seems to believe that they were less of a life since they were miscarried early in gestation.  Family, friends, and Society as a whole do not always understand the devastation a parent goes through when they realize the future and dreams they had planned with this child are over.  It is easy for others to understand why we may be sad about losing Matthew since he was almost full term, and we held him in our arms.   Jae Jae and "Baby" are just as much a part of my heart as any of my kids and I am so honored to of had them with me the short time I did.